The past few weeks have been an emotional blur for my family. I needed to take some time off of training to focus on my kids and try to function-survive- the best way that I could.
Without reliving the details of the past weeks, I can say that I am now single parenting my four little loves. This has always been one of my worst fears. Never in a million years would I have thought this would be my life.
And here I am.
It's an odd feeling being around strangers right now. Going to the grocery store. Getting gas. Teaching classes. Getting a coffee. I feel like I should have some huge life threatening gash or hemorrhage...something that reflects how I'm feeling inside.
That is the beauty and nightmare of emotional pain. It hurts so badly you feel like you should be on life support. Then, when you want to be anonymous, you can slip on a pair of sunglasses, walk with purpose....and be normal. Happy. All while being quite the opposite.
So now what?
Rebuild!! One day at a time, one foot in front of the other- I will humbly rebuild. No room for pride or judgement. My hope, my goals and dreams- have not been robbed.
My training will look a little different from here on out, but, it can be done. My friend and trainer is amazing- already coming up with a plan that will work for my schedule- a lot can be done at home with bands, free weights, and a ball. Oh- and a TON of discipline. AND she's doing it with me. We will be competing together and I am so excited.
I WILL focus on the positives of each day. Get it done. KEEP MOVING!!
Workouts today:
Teach Zumba
Abs
Today I will get all 6 clean meals in- no skipping them!
Make it happen!
Dutchess
3 comments:
i'm so glad to hear you are taking a little bit of time to ease into this new 'life' for you all. your phsical health is important, but that spiritual health is vital.you keep reminding those kids that Jesus's love is one that never fails...remind yourself too. my heart hurts so much for you, i've actually had nightmares on your behalf. please let me know if i can help. my prayers are with you!!
I love you, Jolene, and I admire your commitment to your family and also sticking with your dreams. Life alters what we may plan, but we can still move forward with a modified plan! Nothing is impossible. Know you have my support. You are beautiful, you are an amazing mother and you balance your life well, despite whatever odds you face.
XO ~ L
Thank you friends- love and appreciate you so much.
Mandy-thank you, you are so sweet. No more bad dreams, ok? ;) More playdates would be awesome.
Les- so wish you were here. I miss our 12 mile runs- and by miss, I mean YOU and not so much the rediculously long runs with crazy dogs, roadkill, and crazy hiding monkeys. (oh ya, I went there!!) Those runs would be a great outlet right now. Love you xoxo
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